Dream Things That Are Real
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
It's almost 3 in the morning.
It's also been about 2 months since I was last here. More or less the only thing of note in July, other then the first summer free of dreading the return of school, was the mark of the first year of my relationship with Sonya. We've overcome so much opposition from other people, and really gotten to know each other. I look forward to the next year, and the year after that.
On August 11th I had the first enjoyable birthday in a long time. I started it by doing the usual hiding out, but I then I got lonely and since I hadn't told anyone I figured it was safe. While I was wrong, it actually turned out better then I ever could have thought. Kazimar and his sister made a surprise visit, and Aaron and Chris were there as well. Chris created a magic deck for me which still gets use and has been added to. The perfect parting gift as well I suppose. It started with the group going to Denny's, where we re-named everything on the menue, Chris made fun of Jenny over the phone, Aaron hit on Kaz's sister, and Kaz was his usual racist self with the minority waitress.
We watched the first Hostel movie. I had seen the second one and come away unimpressed but the first movie was worth it, if only for the commentary. There was one point near the end where the main character finds the 3 people responsible for imprisoning him, and runs the all over. One of the survives, only to be hit by a following car. We re-wound it countless times and watched the collisions in slow motion. We also discovered that if you watched someone being drowned in slow motion it looks like some sort of hardcore drugged sex.
There's alot of stuff i'm leaving out but I guess this is what happens when you neglect the object that's supposed to record it. In terms of the short term future, i've bugged the people at the Crossroads movie theater that they promised me a job starting in the middle of october. I'll also apply at the starbucks so I can still work when i'm not at the theater. If the schedule at crossroads is anything like the one at Bell Square i'll need a second job and this particular starbucks is right next to where Elizabeth works.
As long as I don't answer my phone I should be fine.
When it comes to the distant future I have two plans. I can move in with Chance, Chuck, and Dimitry. Or I can move in with Kazimar, Ryan, and my mentor Chris Biron. For simplicity's sake i'll call the plan 1 and plan 2
The pros of plan 1 are pretty easy. I've known all of them for years, and even if we go months without talking we pick up where we left off the moment we see each other. Chance is a very responsible person, Chuck always finds some way to make things work, and Dimitry and I are almost identical in terms of our personalities and tastes. There company is always a joy and I feel like i'm part of a family when i'm with them. If we were to find a place they would be dependable when it came to rent.
The cons are actually pretty much the same. We've known each other for a long time. All the little things can add up over the years and it becomes hard to escape someone you live with. I would have to live with "dump Sonya" jokes, Chuck's endless criticism, and Chance's hypocrisy. They say they do these things to better me, because they care for me as a friend. In truth though it's been little more then a pain. Who I date is my choice. What I want to do or not do is something I should figure out at my own pace. I don't want to live with Chance when he hops from one girl to the next, all the while telling me it will never work out with Sonya. I can't live with Chuck if he thinks i'm a coward, and he has told me flat out that he thinks exactly that.
The pros of plan 2 are a little more basic. We have fun together. I spent almost a week once with just Kaz and Biron and it was as good in the end as it was at the start. We find something worthwhile in everything and often enough I can sit back and enjoy the ride. In terms of rent, Biron has a job and is back in school, Ryan is also getting his act together. Kazimar is married, which means he's used to dealing with bills and coming up with the cash for them.
I don't think plan 2 is perminate though. Biron and Kaz want to go into the military, and they want to do it asap. That means that if I were to move out, without a second plan I might be moving back in a year or two later and i'd rather stay out. Also there are certain influences which aren't... the best for me with them. Oddly enough i'm afraid of my mentor's influence the most :)
While i'm on the subject of the Military, Dan Bock finally left. I'll get more in depth on that later, as the guy deserves a post for him and him alone. He's in Arizona and though I doubt he and Tess have crossed paths he never stops complaining. To name a few examples, his roommate likes birds to a sexual point and he's not the best in terms of meeting people. However, things seem to be working out.
I have relatives in Arizona, and i'll be down there for thanksgiving. This will give me a chance to hang out with Dan again.
Perhapes i'll also see Tess.
Current mood:  hopeful Current music: Brendan Benson: What I'm Looking For
Friday, July 20, 2007
2:53AM
Got my phone working again. I then turned the volume to it's highest setting, set it down, and went to have something to eat. I couldn't find it when I got back. So I smiled, and called thinking "the sound will be so loud that there's no way I can miss this"
I couldn't hear a thing.
I really hate the karma gods sometimes >.< Speaking of karma, it seems I made a dreadful mistake. Chris made a post awhile back, directed at someone else. He was annoyed about how he was being treated and wanted it changed. The one the post was directed to took it exactly the way it was meant. I took it... really differently >.<
I left a comment which basicly "aw, cheer up man. She's done alot of crap lately..." not only was it not really my place to do that, but there really wasn't any reason at all to not only antagonize her, but to let her know things I shouldn't have known. For the record though, i'm not sure how to feel about that bit. Now I know what she was really thinking, the entire time I thought we were phenominal friends. The funny bit is if she had just told me all the things she disliked while she was in close proximity with me, then I wouldn't have made her endure it for as long as she has. I don't think her trust in Chris should have been questioned, and really, now that she knows that I know her true feelings about the way I act to and around her *as well as other things* she doesn't have to pretend anymore. I want to be her friend... that has never changed. Since I wasn't before maybe I can be now. If she doesn't keep her true feelings about me hidden then it might become something real.
And if she still feels the same after all this time, then in dealing with me she has one less mask to maintain, one less stress to deal with. From the little bit I understand you have more then enough stress these days.
*sighs* It's been awhile since I just posted the events of the day... posted something just plain happy. The next time I get on this I will. I will not make livejournal the place I whine to.
Current mood: relieved Current music: Joshua Radin: Winter
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
At Dan Bocks home. Which is closer then when I was with Russ for what it's worth. Dan can be miserable company, but he's done right by me. He's a decent guy. For all of high school and most of middle school he stood between me and the edge of a cliff.
He wasn't the only one, but he may well be. If only because he moved to Arizona before he got the chance to not be.
Goddammnit! It's 4:30 in the fucking morning, and i'm upset over a birthday party. I've known this particular person since I came to washington and in some small way he's always been there, in the classes we've had or the friends we share. His connection to love is undeniable and I wouldn't have it without him.
His birthday is just around the corner. The guest list is small, and excludes both me and Dan. I believe everyone else in my prom group will be there but I can only be sure of three people. Monica, a truely brillant woman. His ex, Billy. And You.
Why did he have to invite you and not us? It only adds to the isolation.
Don't you dare deny that to say things between us have... dwindled... would be to put it in the best of light and add a few compliments. You've grown so mature yet kept all the lovable things about you. You're the brightest, most inventive person I know, and it was the moments between sitting across the array of cards, the moments after we we set down the Gamecube controllers that I treasure. You taught me the value of people. Of why even if what you want is impossable you might still get it.
You alone have seen me cry. In all the years I have lived in washington, if only for a few moments.
But now you're always around him. He calls you his best friend. You have assured me that I still have a room in your life, but you didn't tell me it was the attic.
I can understand why he'd invite Monica. Her company is always welcome. I can even understand why he'd invite Billy. She says to his face that she finds him annoying but if I were to ever do something so bold as a party for myself i'd invite Christine and Sakura. I can't really do much of anything in their presence and I doubt they'd come but i'd still invite them.
He most likely already asked you, and of course you'll go. You'll go because he's a good friend. Because you seem him so often that I never run into just one of you anymore. He's the one who spends the nights with you now.
I know that ever since Jon fucked with my phone *it will still be awhile before the battery and charger we ordered arrives* I havin't been the easiest person to get ahold of, but the walls seem to be needlessly thick right now.
Wow... I never realized what a needy little bitch I was.
But I refuse to be just the closest observor in the greatist example of what might have been for you. I always saw you as a person i'd know for the rest of my life.
Current mood:  disappointed Current music: Dashboard Confessional: You Have Stolen My Heart
Saturday, July 7, 2007
After over 3 months i'm back. And with the end of school it looks like i'll be a much more frequent visitor.
Good news everyone. I graduated. Never thought I would. Apperently my fathers side of the family thought the same thing... I have over 500 dollars of graduation mony from them and counting. Before the actual ceremony we had to come early and pratice. Now I thought it was a waste of time... I mean you walk in single-file, take the damned diploma and then walk back to your seat. Not that hard... only I found out that some people don't know how to form a line. Or where to sit. But it was all worked out, and I didn't even need to walk down the asle. I was carried. And by a strange stroke of luck everyone who tried to photograph it had camera problems. :)
There was an awards assembly beforehand, and while most of it was a waste it was somewhat pratical. Mike got a standing ovation and a 32,000 dollar check for heading off to the army and a few people I never expected to see, like Soponra were there.
The 4th of July was awsome. Me and Sonya were in Duvall with Russ and his redneck relatives. His uncle is known for blowing things up, and the ground and sky were filled with explosions all night and most of the day. What we didn't fire into the air, we fired at each other, and Sonya managed to nick a box of Sparklers for later. She's rather adorable when she act's like Harry Potter.
Ack... there's so much more to put down, but it will have to wait. I'm not supposed to be on the computer, I went home with Russ after the 4th, and even though it's after 4 in the morning he's headed this way. If i'm caught i'll be sleeping with the horses.
I'll update with everything else when I get home in a day or to. I promise.
Current mood:  busy
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Almost 2 months. Where has the time gone? You know... once again I feel I need to state here that i'm going to do better. To let this just sit for over a month is a waste.
The days and nights and week and I suppose the previous month Have been spent improving the relationships of those that I know and making a few new ones. Many a night was spent with Forest and Chris, dispite Forest's new hobby of chasing me in the middle of a night with the biggest stick he can find. We've determined that he is the fat chick, a mountian, and all in all a lovable guy. I'm not sure where Chris is right now but he seems headed to a good place. He's become strong, though cynical, and is able to maintain his sanity with infrequent times with Amber.
On another note, I lost my job. The crime? I answeard my cell phone, to say " I can't talk to you right now they don't allow phones" and had the misfortune to do it in front of a manager who was having a bad day. A few days later I realized that hey, all those other events happened a long time ago and I didn't see a single paper about it, yet they could use them now? It was a flimsy arguement but it was all I had to go on, but in the end I decided that it wasn't worth it. I only got along with 4 people, and 2 of them have quit. Most of the conversations went along the lines of "Hello" "I hate you" "Ok, see you during lunch" also, someone told them about me and Sonya, and they developed so many horrid nicknames that it just wasn't worth it anymore.
But it's not all bad, i've been with Sonya for 8 months now and after thinking about the few times that were bad I realized that we were only in trouble when one of us started to panic and not think, or when one of us didn't have all of the information they thought they did. She is just as amazing as ever, and has begun to amass a army in the form of purple eyeliner. I've never been fond of make-up, but where most girls use it to make themselve's look good, she merely enhances and magify's her existing beauty.
Also Tess, and old and very very dear friend is starting what is perhapes the most terrorfying and rewarding event a person could ever go through. I can only wish her luck.
Current mood: content Current music: Third Eye Blind: Graduate
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
*sighs* I'm never going to get to sleep at this rate. So I figure I might as well update. I know you all have been waiting for it anyway. Don't you dare say you havin't. You wouldn't want to break my heart now would you?
Well, ok some of you would for profit, but if I was rich I wouldn't be able to afford a heart.
A while back we ran into the blessing, and the curse, that is otherwise known as a snow. We had quite a few. And enough snow to go sledding. I have come up with some rather useful tips which the average sledder prolly does not know about.
Rule number 1: If Chris Lampie is with you, put him in a position where he cannot bail out because if he can he will. And if he can't he will still try to and that might run you into a tree/rock/small child.
Rule number 2: Never slide backwards. Ever. I speak from experience, after having no clue where I was going and being penentrated from behind by a tree. It hurts, and I would never in a million years make someone I didn't know go through it.
Rule number 3: While it's generally a bad idea to hit large things like trees, there is nothing quite like plowing into a six-year old while going backwards.
Allrighty, enough of that. Last month on the 26th was our 6 month anniversary. I actually had quite a bit planned but a good way to describe it would be to call it the worlds longest hug. She really is amazing.
I want her to feel like a princess. I want her to enjoy life, to smile, to giggle. Hopefully i've done that. Lately things seem to be in a bit of a slump but once we get outside or perhapes hang out with Aaron and preconcived issues that she might be formulateing will vanish.
On another note, I have a job and it's a rather good one if I do say so myself, considering that it's at a movie theater. Friday was my first day and while i'm currently still referred to as the new guy it's pretty awsome to be there. Being an usher has taught me that people are slobs, but the people I work with make cleaning fun. And even though I don't have a car, the only qualification to drive the forklift is you need to be 18.
I've currently hit the wall 3 times and ran over the same exit sign twice but so far no problems. All it's done is made the managers point at me and say "this guy..." But then again they do that all the time anyway. Also, there is a item that bands us all together. With it, the main benifits of working at the theater arrive. To have this sacred object brings you much comfort and when others can't have it and see you with it it brings great envy.
I am reffering of course, to styrofoam cups. There's a shortage, and we can get food for free as long as it's in the cup. Lucklly i've made friends with the people with the keys so I get cups anyway.
Meh... there's lots more to say but i'm tired now. I'll go more in depth about the job, and how wonderful my girlfriend is, when I finish the mountian of homework I have tomorrow.
Current mood:  sleepy
Friday, December 29, 2006
Now, I'm sure at least one of you remembers me long ago mentioning the book Swiss Family Robinson and how I was going to write about it. After going back and reading the book, I don't think I can do justice to the sheer brutality of this book. Some people may claim that elaborating on one of the classics of American literature my is lazy, or a cop-out and not fresh material and this hurts me. I am someone who calls himself a professional, and I like to think of it instead as bringing the truth to light because I can't think of anything else to appease my audience with. Don't be ungrateful. I'm posting aren't I?
Without further ado, here is my personal reflections on this atrocity of literature.
I'm sure everyone here is familiar with the story of the Robinson's and their miraculous story of survival. From the movie adaptation featuring the brave family battling pirates with pet tigers and exploding coconuts, to Lost In Space, the bad science fiction version of this classic tale. It is a classic because the cover says so of course. Dissenters will be beaten by the trained goon squads employed by this esteemed company, which does not even have a website. I can only imagine that the reason for this is that Baronet Books is some sort of dark conspiracy like the Bavarian Illuminati. The only difference is they have more printing presses. I'm sure you are wondering about what this is about. Is it that everyone's favorite internet phenomenon in his own mind wants to improve the literacy rate of America? No! Reading a book like this is for fags! It's because like any red-blooded American, I love killing animals. And this wondrous book contains more thoughtless animal deaths described than any other book I have had the pleasure of using as a coaster. Here is an example:
On morning Ernest and I went fishing in Providence Bay, where he caught a huge, fifteen-pound fish. As we started home, Flora *the Robinson's dog* dashed off after a strange animal, one which made the most extraordinary jumps imaginable. Thoughtfully, Ernest lifted his gun and shot the creature dead. "Look at him!" Ernest cried. "He's as large as a sheep, but he has the tail of a tiger. And his nose and hair are like a mouse's." "You're right," I replied, "and his teeth are like a rabbit's, his front legs resemble those of a squirrel, and his hind legs are like stilts." "Father," wailed Ernest, "I think I have just killed the most remarkable animal in the world. Whatever can he be?"
A kangaroo, actually. This is a perfect example of the Robinson's violent ways. I would like to bring up the use of the "thoughtfully" here. I had believed it meant exhibiting careful thought, but boy was I wrong! In context it seems to mean shooting things that are unfamiliar, then lamenting over it afterwords like some kind of emo.
Chapter One: The first twenty-two pages of this book contain only non-lethal animal abuse to various fowl. A mere four paragraphs after landing on the island in includes a wild pig, a handful of oysters, and some sort of "giant lobster." All of these are used for food so at this point the Robinson's are still relatively innocent.
Chapter Two: Another example from the text: Along the way we had still another tussle with a troop of monkeys, this time on the ground. Turk, barking loudly, charged into their midst and brutally attacked a female monkey who was cradling a baby in her arms.
"No, Turk!" Fritz shouted, rushing to the rescue.
But it was too late. Turk not only killed the monkey, but he completely devoured her as well.
According to my sources *and I consider the Dungeons & Dragons Player's Handbook 3rd Edition to be a legitimate source* a human can move thirty feet every round. Now I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that even a large dog cannot kill and eat an entire chimpanzee in under five seconds. Especially since according the Monstrous Manual 3rd Edition, dogs do not possess the Swallow Whole ability. Besides, even if it got all critical hits it would take a dog two full rounds of combat just to kill it.
Chapter Three: Showing surprising intelligence for the Swiss version of redneck mexicans, Father and Fritz return to the shipwreck and make life vests for the livestock there and push them into the water to float ashore. On the way back a shark attacks one of the sheep and Fritz fires two shots into it. This makes perfect sense, but I do have to disagree when the rest of the family praises his bravery. Having shown they have no regard for the lives of God's other creatures Jack shoots a frightened porcupine that Flora and Turk were attacking. After the entire family crowds around to look they leave it behind. A total of two sheep, one shark, one porcupine, and twelve sea turtle eggs are killed, although only the eggs and a single sheep are eaten.
Chapter Four: Ever deadly eldest brother Fritz begins this chapter by shooting at some flamingos. Killing one and wounding another. Oddly out of character, Father carries it back to camp and gives it some medicine. However, not to disappoint us by letting a creature live, he leaves the wounded bird tied to a tree near the river and promptly forgets it. Wounded and tethered to the ground, the innocent bird probably lasts four hours at the most before being torn apart by predators. This chapter also contains the death of the kangaroo from above.
Chapter Five: Another example from the text:
"There's something ahead," Fritz said. "Look through your telescope, Father, and tell me what it is." "It's a tortoise!" I cried. "Why, he's fallen asleep in the sun on top of the water." "Steer [our raft] close to him, so that we can take a good look at him." As I changed our direction, Fritz's back was to me so I could not see what he was doing. Suddenly, there was a violent jerking of the boat and it began moving as fast as a speeding bullet through the water. Alarmed now, I cried, "For heaven's sake, Fritz, what are you doing?" "I speared him!" Fritz yelled. "I speared him with my harpoon!" Looking ahead, I saw that Fritz was right. The tortoise, wounded by the harpoon that had lodged in its flesh, was pulling us directly out to see. As the boat moved faster, my heart began to beat wildly. I grasped the sides of the boat and prayed.
While the whole passage is rather long, it continues on to explain that the Robinson's use the turtle to pull them back to shore where Father "mercifully cut of its head with a hatchet."
Chapter Six: My favorite passage in the book deals with an innocent, seemingly-bulletproof iguana the Robinson's find sleeping on a rock:
"I'm going to shoot him," whispered Fritz.
"No, son. It would be hard to pierce that scaly coat. If you make him angry, he could be dangerous. I have a better idea." I cut a stick from a bush and tied a long string to it. Then I knotted the loose end and cautiously tiptoed toward the iguana, who was snoozing peacefully in the sun. When I was very near him, I began whistling a lively tune, an air from my native Switzerland. The creature smiled in his sleep. Suddenly, he opened one and and raised his head to hear the music. As he looked around, I tickled him gently with my stick.
To my joy, the iguana flipped over, stretched himself flat on his back, and undulated with his tail, as if he was overwhelmed by the music. He raised his head again, and I threw my noose over him. "Draw it tight!" cried Ernest. "Strangle him!" yelled Jack.
"No!" I said firmly. "Why make him suffer any more than he has to?" And quick as a flash I plunged my knife into him. Soon he was dead.
Chapter Seven: Flora and Turk begin this chapter by viciously attacking a mother buffalo in some sort of rabies induced rage. Before they can be smashed into the ground like they deserve Father shoots the poor buffalo, and they steal it's baby to use as a beast of burden. Father, as you may remember from chapter four, is a qualified veterinarian. He uses his penknife to cut a hole in the buffaloes nose to insert a lead right then and there. Sterilization be damned!
Chapter Eight:
This chapter is contains a record number of deaths, with an unspecified number of sea turtles, salmon sturgeon, cranes, and kangaroos being killed and eaten, as well as one completely innocent parrot who meets a bad end. Perhaps an example from the text will make more sense.
And Fritz fastened both the parrot and the eagle to the same root, but foolishly removed the blindfold from the eagle's eyes. The eagle flew into a rage and killed the poor parrot.
Good job Fritz. Even when you aren't trying, you kill animals.
Nothing notable happens in chapter nine. I suppose this because everything deserves a reprieve, even those in Swiss Family Hell.
Chapter Ten: One day a huge boa constrictor appears near the home of the Robinson's. Terrified of a fourteen foot long black serpent, they hide inside and shoot it several times through the windows. Honestly in their situation I would have done the same. However, the snake is apparently completely bulletproof. The poor frightened animal flees back into the forest after being shot at least half a dozen times.
Chapter Eleven: The serpent returns to the Robinson's camp and eats their mule, who has the appropriate name Grizzle. Once it has completely devoured the mule it falls asleep, and the family comes out and gathers around it. To no ones surprise it is Fritz who fires the killing shot into it's head. The family then fans out to look for baby snakes to kill. Ernest mistakes an eel for a snake, and shows his gentle side as the text shows:
"That's not a boa, Ernest," I told him as I reached his side. "It's an eel."
It was, indeed, a superb eel, approximately four feet long. Ernest had walked straight up to it and hit it several times on the head with his gun with as much courage as it would have taken to kill a dozen boat constrictors.
Still upset about the death of their mule the family kills another pig, and an ostrich. They fire upon some wild cats but miss.
Chapter Twelve: Another incredibly blood soaked chapter, chapter twelve begins with a battle between the Robinson's dogs and a pair of grizzly bears. Furthering my theory on rabies the dogs win. Drunk with victory, the family returns to the ostriches to capture one. And example from the text is as follows:
The frightened bird turned round and round, using his long legs in a frantic effort to escape. At this point, Fritz released his eagle who pounced upon the ostrich and lifted him up in the air. Jack threw the bolas so skillfully that the bird fell helplessly to the ground.
Far be it from me to argue against Mrs. Eliza Gatewood Warren, but an ostrich weights between three to four hundred pounds, while a particularly large hawk can weight as much as four pounds. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. Other deaths include a pair of rabbits, a cuckoo, and a walrus whose head ends up as a trophy for the Robinson's boat.
As a result of the previous bloodlust, chapter thirteen earns the poor animals another reprieve.
Chapter Fourteen: After the Robinson's shoot her mate an enraged lioness attacks them. The dogs jump on it, and Father finishes it off by stabbing it with his knife. After killing countless animals, the Robinson's suffer their first casualty: Flora the dog. Surprisingly, they don't eat their own dead.
The End
I have considered sending a link of this entry to PETA. What do the rest of you think?
Current mood:  creative Current music: The White Stripes: Seven Nation Army
The first thing to note lately was the birthday party of Daniel Bock. It was a Halo 2 party and for the most part that's how it went out. 3 TV's, 3 xboxes, 10 people. A curse was uttered with every kill, and there were many. Even though I placed 3rd of 4th most of the time *i'm fiercely competitive and hate to lose* I had a wonderful time. In the middle of it we watched Clerks 2, where the phrase "ooh cake" was ruined forever, and Andrew climbed up a pillar and got wedged on a crossing support beam. After he was finished getting to god knows where he got stuck. Then he got hungry. So we tossed up food. Then we tossed up batteries once we realized that he moved his mouth towards anything we threw up to him. Afterwords I was dropped off at Sonya's and all in all it was a wondrous party.
Never before have I felt closer to my friends. During this break i've spent many a day and many the hour in the house or car with Chance and Dimitry and Chuck. We've been figuring out life together and with our combined talents and personalities we help each other out without even realizing it. We've made plans to room together after high school and we might break into the music scene again.
For christmas I got an assortment of video games and money. After I recover my presents from Chuck me and Sonya can exchange gifts at last.
In regards to our relationship it's working perfectly, and is enriching my life in general.
Also in my spare time i've been re-reading an old book that all of you should recognize. It's brutality towards animals occurs often enough to alert the authorities.
Current mood: content
Sunday, December 3, 2006
2:11AM
Just got off the phone with Andrew. Apperently Sean was only held overnight and was at Crossroads for most of the day. Thankfully I didn't go anywhere. I would have run into him otherwise.
Friends of his were following Brandon and Andrew for most of the day, and people messed up Dan's car.
What am I supposed to do now? I feel like I should have just gone with him.
Current mood:  scared Current music: Eyeinside: Time Is On My Side
Guess i'm not seeing her after all. Yes, I realize that parents can make things difficult but it shouldn't be that hard to insist on going to the other parents house, to demand to know why you'd have to go to bed so early on a weekend, or even to simply wait untill he is asleap and slip out. Be assertive, don't let your father screw everything up simply because he wants to play power games.
Life is such a bitch sometimes.
Current mood: rejected
Now that the good times have been talked about... i'll get on with the bad. Why i've taken 4 showers today. Why i'm afraid.
I'll never forget, though I can barely believe it happened.
It started near the end of the day on friday. The day had actually gone rather well. After school I had gone to play video games with James, then to Crossroads. I saw Sonya and Megan Gott. Then spent a bit of time with Brandon, Aaron, Dan, and Andrew. When we were all together a man I had only seen once before named Sean arrived.
He was among those who had wrecked my house at a ill-planned party over the summer and that was the only previous time I had seen him. As such I was a bit wary but he said he wanted to talk me so I did. We separated from the group and sat down at the chairs in front of Uncles Games. "So what's up?" I asked. He started to talk about Sin City, or to be more specific a character from that movie named Marv. Apparently there were differences between the character in the movie and the comics. The main one being that in the comics Marv apparently had deep psychological problems but was aware of them. Sean told me he also had problems and needed me to help him become aware.
My first thought was "this is the second time in my entire life that i've seen you. Why are you telling me this?" but I figured it wouldn't hurt to help him. I asked him what he knew about his problems and he told me he was schizophrenic. "Well, there you go. I don't know much about it but let's find a computer and look it up together" However the library was closed. He told me that it didn't matter, because I could spend the night with him. He said it would be best because was visiting a friend of his in jail and for a reason known only to him wanted me along. At that point I wanted to find Dan, get in his car, and go home and when I said no he grabbed me by the arm and said "let's talk about this outside"
I mouthed "help me" to Dan and i'm very... so very glad that I did.
He kept walking and pulling me along, only now he started to talk about very different things. He told me that he had recently discovered he was gay, that he thought I was sweet that I was sensitive and that I was the only one who could help him with problems. I refused, said goodbye, and started to go back.
He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. Held me against it with one arm, and... grabbed me underneath the pants with the other. "You are GOING to help me" he whispered, "there's a field we can go to, and we'll be together. You are GOING with me and you WILL solve my problems and be with me forever" he then twisted me. A long time ago Chuck gave me the name Ironballs, but this... this hurt. Then for some reason let go, smiled and started walking. I numbly followed him but we heard running footsteps and Megan appeared. She said she had lost her purse and wanted me to help her look for it. At the moment, even though i'm with Sonya I could have cried and kissed Megan because it was the perfect reason to go back. And go back we did.
Dan arrived with the car and everyone was in it. Sean said we needed to go and Brandon asked where we were going. Of course Sean didn't tell him and when he refused everyone basicly told him that they weren't going to let me go with him. He grabbed me by the throat from behind and began to drag me away, and they stopped him.
Thank god for them all.
There's more to the story, involving the police and his arrest but I don't want to get into it right now... i'm considering not posting what I have here but I figure I should... this is first and foremost, a journal.
I can't wait to see Sonya. I need her now more then ever.
Current mood: uncomfortable Current music: Kill Hannah: Kennedy
Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty
sound of the breath fades with the light
I think about the loveless fascination
Under the Milky Way tonight
Lower the curtain down in Memphis
Lower the curtain down all right
I've got no time for private consultation
Under the milky way tonight
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
And it's something quite peculiar
something shimmering and white
That leads you here despite your destination
under the milky way tonight
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Yeah
I know it's something quite peculiar
Something shimmering and white
Leads you here despite your destination
Under the milky way tonight
Under the milky way tonight
Under the milky way tonight
Under the milky way tonight
It's been very topsy-turvy these last couple days. First, the good times though they end up being earlier. Snow days galore. Took advantage of the first by making plans to be with Chris. About an hour before I was due to see him Dan, Andrew and Brandon came over. We played a bit of Halo and watched Pirates. Andrew started hitting on my sister and she responded by saying "don't talk to me, i'd never do anything with someone so ugly" It was priceless.
When I got to Chris's house I found Aaron and Amber there as well. After a heated exchange in Smash Bros we started a game of monopoly. Then I got a call saying that there would be a second snow day. Things started to go a bit sour with his mom. No offense to Chris but she is at time's the biggest bitch of all time. She wanted him to get work done, which was understandable, and she set a fair time limit for it. But then she'd decide to try to make us go early, and to do what he asked Chris needed his siblings help, which they at first refused to give, and nothing happen to them if they didn't do there part. We got it squared away in the end and played a version of Mario Party i'd never seen before. While that game can bring out the worst in us it's still a good group game. I had a fairly decent lead in stars for most of the game, with Amber being the queen of coins. Yet it was Aaron who won in the end, by getting all of the bonuses >.<
The following night, I explored more on pandora.com and hit the song jackpot. After almost an hour I decided to try to write again. Again, I don't promise that it's good, but here it is.
Oh look at us
Staring down
Down at what you have become
See us run
See us shout
See us trying to explain all about
All about what we could want
What we could need
Just try to see
Are you listening
You turn us down
You always turn and walk away
You’re on your own now
I’d like to say I’m sorry
But I’m not
In fact I’m proud
So cover down
Get the marchers all in place
Strain to see
Your silent plea
Enduring terrible disgrace
And we only wanted
You to know just what we need
To open up our arms
And try to set you free
You turn us down
You always turn and walk away
You’re on your own now
I’d like to say I’m sorry
But I’m not
In fact my voice is shouting high
You can’t be reasoned with
The crucifix of doubt’s been dismissed
This is the last time that I will say
You only brought it on yourself
The only poker winners play
It’s clear that you don’t want our help
Come tomorrow I move on
To view another chest of drawers
Your second chance will come
When you make a second world
You turn us down
You always turn and walk away
You’re on your own now
I’d like to say I’m sorry
But I’m not
In fact my voice is shouting high
You can’t be reasoned with
The crucifix of doubt’s been dismissed
Good things are happening in the near future as well. I'm going to see my beloved, hopefully within the hour.
Current mood: cold Current music: Kill Hannah: 10 More Minutes With You
Thursday, November 23, 2006
10:58PM
Hmmm... seems it's been a little less then a month since my last post. I'll have to remedy that. Halloween was rather disappointing but I made it through. I've made a few new friends, two of which go by the name of James. One is kinda short, his hairstyle a permanent baseball cap. An extraordinary artist and writer. He plans on being an accountant to gain quick cash and to be able to be a writer on his own time. The other is a really beefy asian with a rather... odd way of talking. Though he has a few unsavory habits he always brings a laugh to an otherwise dull day. My exploits on myspace are improving as well, since recently making one i've gained a comfortable level of friends. It seems I fell to the dark side in the end.
The only complaint I have is that it seems impossible to find a job. Right now I have my eye on the Linkin Square movie theater, mainly because most every male that i'm close to is working there. It has so far proven impossible for me to get an interview. Yet no one else seems to have any trouble. 2 examples of my frustration, 1: Nat was asked for the job even though he's 14 and 2: Chuck got the job. For the better part of the year he's been homeless. From what I understand he was asked before he even finished filling out the forms. He even used a fake name. His name tag reads as Carl ?. Yes, his last name is a ?. And I can't even get a lousy interview. The final bit of confusion is that Sonya doesn't want me to get a job.
Speaking of which, we're at an all time high. Those magic words "I love you" have been uttered and I feel... a charge run through me every time I hear them. Also, with this break from school was should be able to see each other quite a bit. I hope with this entry that she'll contact me since she's been asking for one.
Thanksgiving was not what i'd hoped it would be though. My uncle was supposed to come but bad weather stopped the plane. The food was good though.
Hm... for the first entry of the month this is rather short. Perhaps a song is in order. I first heard this song a few years ago. It was my favorite then and it still is now. If you could pick a last song in jail, like you can a last meal this one would be mine.
Feeling No Pain by Jason Falkner
A train of impermanence pulls its way in front of me
A feeling of innocence makes its way inside of me
She spoke with a silver tongue the kind you read of in magazines
And eyes full of confidence or is that consequence
I'm feeling no pain
I'm feeling no pain
I was a younger man just a struggling with the same demands
That pay for my sanity and give me a stronger hand
Some say it's ignorance that turns love into self defense
Contained to a silent rage as any glimpse of common sense
I'm feeling no pain
Yeah I'm feeling no pain
"I was one of the lucky ones" you told yourself
You hide behind the mirrored eye don't see yourself
You were no friend to me in fact my enemy as we both agree
In trying to get to me why do you make a scene embarrassing
I hear every poison word, more absurd I've never heard
I keep my sword on back in case of attack
But I'm feeling no pain
Yeah I'm feeling no pain
"I was among the lucky ones" you told yourself
But you hide behind the mirrored eye you'll see yourself
You were a different one full of fire and a devil in your eye
You play with others well good they tell, too hard you try
You treated them all like fools it's the only tool you knew how to use
You're gonna have to reach in here cause now you fear
That you're feeling no pain
You're feeling no pain
You're feeling no pain
You're feeling no pain
"I am one of the lucky ones" you told yourself
But you hide behind the mirrored eye don't see yourself
"I am one of the lucky ones" you told yourself
But you hide behind the mirrored eye don't see yourself
See yourself
Now I'm a different man just struggling with the same demands
Current mood: cheerful Current music: Alex Lloyd: Never Meant To Fail
Monday, October 30, 2006
After waiting until the last minute my costume wasin't finished on time. I might have been able to pull of a Jack Skellington without pinstriped pants but it's tough being a Skellington or even a Skeleton for that matter without a skull. By now it's to late to even try and make one.
So much for Halloween.
Current mood: crushed Current music: Jason Falkner: Feeling No Pain
4:47PM
I got my new phone at last. It takes pictures and videos and it's all new and spiffy :)
I don't remember what the old number was, for all I know it hasin't changed but 425-802-9329 is the current number. Backus set up marching pratice again today so I need to run to that. I'll be home at around 7. And from that moment on i'll be reachable.
All of the money for the phone was made up of donations from other people. Amazing when I think about it :)
Current mood: good Current music: Play Radio Play: Even Fairy Tale Characters Would Be Jealous
Thursday, October 26, 2006
*sigh* Yay for frustration.
The days i'm not a crossroads, namely tuesday and today, she is. I'm kinda wondering why she never called to to see if we could meet there but i'm sure she has her reasons. Apparently i'm as transparent as a window because it she figured out a halloween surprise I had planned for her, which was to take her to see a new version of Nightmare Before Christmas, a favorite movie for both of us. *sigh* She said she had something planned as well. I hate surprises though. I mean I guess it's kinda of fun to be a part of one, but in order to come up with it you kinda have to plot it behind the person's back which is why i've never really been to fond of the receiving end. I'm waaaaaay to paranoid already.
*sighs* This is the third time today that the mexican Chris has called. I swear if he calls again...
It seems that lately when i'm not really angry, i'm to tired to care about much of anything. She keeps me sane though... she's one of a very small number I can depend on. Though now that I think about it our relationship is really imbalanced. I need her, far more then i'm needed. And the funny part is, I don't even know where to begin in regards to being upset. I'm not mad at her, yet she's mentioned at this time >.<
Ah well. I'm going to be with Chris *the good one* and Nat tomorrow, from there to marching practice, and then i'll get to see her.
Though if the site doesin't work I won't be able to find times and we won't get to go. I don't want to dissapoint her again. But things will work out.
Right?
Current mood: scared Current music: Snow Patrol: Ways And Means
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
The Twilight Mage, Varin Omega, traveled through the Cannibal Woods. He carried his staff in one hand and in the other hand he carried nothing.
"Where are you going so wild and free, Varin?" asked Chris Biron, the king of the wood.
"I'm going to fill my other hand," he replied.
"If you stay with me," said Biron, "I will give you dice and cards, cigarettes and beer, girls and good music. Those will fill your other hand nicely!"
Varin watched the clouds drift through the sky for a few seconds before he answered.
"No," he said at last. "That's not good enough for me." And he went on his way.
Some time later he came across the edge of the Sea of Mists, and beside the Sea of Mist he came across the Lampie the Sea King.
"Where are you going so free and fast, Varin?" demanded the Sea King.
"I'm going to fill my other hand," he replied.
"Stay here with me," cried the Sea King, "I will give you rubies and riches, gold and silver, pearls and amethysts, pleasures and purchases. They'll fill your other hand for you."
Varin looked into the darkness behind the Sea King for a little while.
"No," he said at last. "That's not good enough for me." And he went on his way.
Later Varin came to a vast desert, and in the middle stood the Ghost of Betterly.
"Where are you going so fast and frantic, Varin?" boomed the Ghost of Betterly.
"I'm going to fill my other hand," he replied.
"Enter my city," said the Ghost of Betterly, "And my citizens will give you flowers and party invitations, trophies and keys, scepters and crowns. Those will fill your hand."
Varin looked up at the stars for quite a while before he answered.
"No," he said at last. "That's not good enough for me." And he went on his way.
Some time later Varin came to the edge of a rich red lake. And there he met Chuck, the great horned Serpent, who is forever trapped halfway between this world and the next.
"Where are you going so frantic and wild, Varin?" called Chuck.
"I'm going to fill my other hand," he replied.
"Stay here with me," said Chuck, "I can tell you where you can find fennel flowers and willow herbs, forget-me-not's and baby's beard, plants to make you well, plants to make you sleep, plants to heal the wounds in your mind. Those will fill your other hand."
Varin sat on a tree stump and did not answer for a long time.
"No," he said at last. "That's not good enough for me."
And he turned to go, but as he did so, he heard a splash followed by a crash, and there was a beautiful girl named Dana struggling in the red waters.
"Help!" cried Dana. "I can't swim!"
Varin rushed down to the water and stretched out his hand. Dana grabbed it just as she was about to sink for the third time, and Varin pulled her to safety. The people of Betterly all cheered and Dana shook Varin's hand, and as she did so, he looked down at his hand and paused. He looked at her soft, pale hand resting in his for a long, long time. At last he said quietly "That's not good enough for me."
"What is good enough for you?" demanded Dana.
"I don't know yet," whispered Varin. And he went on his way.
Current mood: lonely Current music: Sneaker Pimps: Low Five
This year's homecoming was definitely different. We finally got our uniform together, which for a drummer means a very thin black shirt, pants that cover your skin but do little else, half a jacket, and a beret. Apparently Sammamish drummers always have and always will be french. It was freezing, and of course they stalled when we got down to the actual field. Also it seems our routine was simply to march out, form a square, play our songs, and then return to the bleachers but ironically even that didn't really work. There were only two benches on our side of the field, two unmovable benches. But guess where the director made us line up?
You guessed it. Right behind the benches.
The end result was a perfect square for about 5 feet, then chaos as we tried to march through the unmovable. The intelligent person would simply go around but oh no, we had to squish in between, and everyone it seemed wanted to be the first one through regardless of there actual place in the square. But it ended up working out in the end. And we ended up winning.
The last football game in my high school life was a victory.
Sadly, things didn't work out with Sonya and I was put in a rather foul mood because of it but we were able to see each other on saturday. It's interesting really, because we went an entire year without contact and now both of us don't want to even go a week without seeing and holding and being with each other. When I heard her say over the phone "I don't care what time it is, i'm not sleeping until I see you" I knew however little time we would have would be worth second of however long i'd need to wait. I learned a few new things from saturday though, for instance we only needed to bring one blanket each.
It's really scary though, because without her in my life as she is I really don't know what my mind would be like. Saturday was the last of the good times. When walking through the park on the way to Crossroads to meet a friend I was stopped by a police officer. Apparently a group of people went to the bowl and lit off fireworks to celebrate a Sammamish victory, only to have the noise attract attention. Most got away but apparently people used me as a scapegoat, saying i'd been the one who supplied them with and had lit most of the fireworks.
In reality i'd gone straight home, because I had thought that me and Sonya were going to meet later that night but I guess that didn't fly with them. I'm not in huge trouble, but for something that I didn't do I am banned from the park for an entire year.
Also, earlier today Gabriel wanted me to see her myspace. She wanted me to check a particular entry in her blog. At first I was overjoyed, thinking that she wanted to make things right again, but really she wanted me to see a particular writing about just how small I was to her. The point of such a thing escapes me but that doesn't make the pain or the anger any less.
Gabriel Bard is dead to me.
And to think it's only monday... well, tuesday now I guess. The sky is cold and clammy like Peter Lorre's handshake. A stay inside day. Can't afford to go out. They shoot mutants on sight in this town, you know. Holy persecution. Even Batman can't save you now. It's easy to rationalize it when if feels like you're drowning. Yeah, nothing much to do on a day like this. Sit inside and watch a movie. Read a book. Write a little. Try to, anyway. You'll just end up sounding like the child of Douglas Adams and Hunter S. Thompson anyway.
An old Devo song comes up on my playlist. Old Devo? How can that be? What happened to us? Tapping rich veins of our childhood to sell at a mark up. Thanks internet. Thanks for keeping old bullshit alive. Thanks for making new bullshit die. We got muthafuggin snakes on a muthafuggin plane. Funnier when you spell it phonetically. Comedic gold. Kill me before the rain comes. It's cold and wet and just what I need so I can't let it get anywhere close. Cats understand our language better than dogs. They respond less when we speak to them.
Throw your diet soda cans and cigarette butts on the ground. I'll see them when I go outside. Shoegazing when I walk. Human toppings on the sidewalk. Someone dropped a penny. Abe must be pissed. The coin that isn't even worth picking up. Look, the cat killed a raven and left it on the steps! It looks up, one eye unblinking. Feathers. Guts. Bones. Ants running in and out. Broken beak. Finally I have something to talk to!
Never share your food or drink. They say i'm a crazy germaphobe but can you blame me? I shared one drink with Dan and i'm sick. Perhaps it was the jew in him that bypassed my defenses, my beloved's illness didn't spread though I guess it should have. From now on nothing passes my lips if anyone other then Her has touched it beforehand. Screw kissing, I doubt I can talk at the rate my throats going by wednesday. But feathered gifts need no words.
Just as well. When I doubt myself things fall apart but doubt is healthy right? Means the situations important enough to consider or so i've been told. Until i'm disease-free i'm afraid there can be no more ADHD/speed pills for this cowboy. My mind is narrowed to a needle point already. All I need is the personal ads to find the lover of my dreams. Please, no photo. I don't want to see anyone right now. I'd be a catch if you could overlook everything about me. Stiff, greasy, and full of so much wonder he can barely react.
"You're full of shit", she says. "All you're words are full of shit. If you really cared you would have kept being my friend no matter how I acted, and no matter what Amanda said. If you really wanted anything memorable you would have fought for it tooth and nail. Nothing deters a true friend. You may think it cruel of me to have led you on with any kind pretense and you may think it cowardly to say this in a blog but it's all I can bother with right now. Go fuck off and die!"
I know. I'm sorry.
Current mood:  indescribable Current music: Some old Devo song... i'm not really listening right now
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The good news is that tomorrow is friday, and saturday comes next. That means I get to see Sonya. Also, at this moment the piano is being played in the movie Corpse Bride. Though it didn't come close to Nightmare Before Christmas I liked the piano and how the underworld was portrayed.
The bad news is that pretty much everything else has gone to shit, or is well on it's way.
While I think that a 10% discount wouldn't have been enough to spare Chris his homecoming woes, I still feel partly responsible. I also feel distant from people as a whole lately. About a week ago my cell phone went to the big charger in the sky, and if i'm to get a new one I have to come up with a hundred bucks before the start of next month. But that's not really it right now.
Tomorrow is the homecoming game. The marching band is supposed to preform at that time. However, the teacher just recently took his head out of his ass and realized on tuesday "oh, we have homecoming coming up" *interesting how I said coming twice* At any rate, the genius realized at the end of tuesday, three days before the event, and wednesday was one of those one of a kind days where everyone has taking tests so we didn't even have class. That left only one day of practice. One day to cobble something together.
And he spends the entire time on basic maneuvers. We have no idea what we're going to do when he get on the field in front of everyone who managed to find enough school spirit to come. Kinda haphazardly picked out music... but an example of what he picked: the theme for the seniors is the beginning of Dragnet. That's about 2 lines of music, unfit of both the senior class and a major performance like homecoming. This combines my fear of public performance with the humiliation of knowing that there isn't anything to preform.
I got off the phone with Sonya a little while ago so I feel much better even if she randomly left... beforehand I had a list of things I hated to express myself. I feel a bit better but I might as well post it anyway.
0-The number 0
1-wEbSiTeS wRiTtEn LiKe ThIs, because they're never interesting, have terrible graphics, and usually talk about the iNsAnE cLoWn PoSsE.
2-Bill Cosby. WHY IS HE CONSIDERED FUNNY?! I WILL KILL YOU, COSBY.
3-Being given anal douches or edible underwear as a gag gift. *don't ask*
4-Superhero movies. As hard as they try, and as cool as they are, they never come out right. For example, Batman Begins. I'm not going to explain all of the errors, I'm just going to point out that Alfred Pennyworth had neither a British accent or a mustache. These things offend me.
5-That song, "Kiss By A Rose", by Seal. I hate that fucking song.
6-People in charge who forget about there responsibilities, and then just dick around the day before performance *bet you saw that one coming*
7-Tiny cellphones that don't reach from my ear to my mouth. I don't CARE if the microphones are good enough to pick up my voice, I want to speak into a REAL phone, dammit!
8-People who think Pepsi is better than Coke. For one thing it isn't, and why would you bother telling me that? I don't care!
9-People who don't know who Kofi Annan is. READ THE NEWSPAPER, YOU VISIGOTHS!
10-When people complain about who can and who can't read my posts. Don't tell me that the site has those functions for a reason because I still think it's stupid. No one can find my journal, so anything I write about you is safe. Besides, it's a journal so why would I leave things out?! AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO WRITE ABOUT MY THOUGHTS AND LIFE AS IT IS?!
11-People who call themselves "writers" or "artists." I especially hate "poets."
12-The fact that I can't write worth shit.
13-The fact that despite the fact that I can't write worth shit, I think I'm better then quite a few people, including more than a few professional song-writers.
14-Celebrity poker. WHO THE FUCK CARES?!
15-Using LJ cuts. My livejournal is a place to record what's going on in my life, fancy things like that confuse me. My best guess is that you befriended me to read the posts so even if I have something you don't care about, like this list, fuck your preferences you still have to scroll past it.
16-Tomatoes. They are sacks of goo
17-People who are "themselves" and then when a crises happens become themselves.
18-When your friend is dating someone who just isin't right for them, and everyone can see it except for the person dating them.
19-Anyone who says Uma Thurman is hot.
20-The fact that books are so expensive now. I can't afford $8 for a paperback novel of average thickness.
21-Completly RUINING a good punchline.
22-People who quote themselves in their own goddamned AIM profile.
23-Words that are spelled differently than they should be pronounced. Like "cognac" and "island."
24-Sid Viscous.
25-Slash fanfics about the most retarded things. Like Mad Maxx. Why would you do that to a my favorite genre of movie? I will hit you!
26-People who hate George Bush, but can not explain why. GOD I AM SO ANGRY.
27-Dropping my can of Coke. TWICE.
28-People who still wear Paul Frank clothing. I hated him when he first came out, and I still hate him now.
29-Asking people where they want to eat, because that always take a million years to pick. And if I give them a set of options, they act the same way, so I try to choose for them, and they say "No, let's go to Mc Donalds." WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE?
30-How my black clothing fades at differant rates. If I wear black pants with a black shirt, I want the blacks to match, goddamit!
31-Pencil sharpeners. WHY DO YOU EXIST TO BREAK MY PENCILS?
32-Water heaters that break and destroy all my childhood memories.
33-Ring-pops. Sure you're tasty, but you get my hands covered in your evil residue, and it NEVER WASHES OFF!
34-When someone hates a band simply because everyone else likes them.
35-When you hate music based on genre rather then artist. Even rap or country has something to tell you.
36-People who say they can play music, but really only know three to four songs total.
37- People who use others for there own benifit
38-The fact that Chris is aware of what i'm dong is and is actually giving suggestions.
39-Porn. It's not nearly intereactive enough.
40-People who say I love you without knowing what it means.
41-The price of the coming game systems. I know they are new but COME ON! I'm not made of money!
42-Milk. Though the boners are quite large, they arein't enough for my mountain.
43-Anyone with a list longer then this.
44-The fact that the previous one actually rhymed.
45-The fact that not only does the washing machine take 2/3 of my socks, it's also been stealing my sweatpants.
46-Jewish people. Sonya excluded.
47-Ikea. Curse your shitty swedish furniture!!!
48-The Dutch.
49-People who are intolerent of others cultures.
50-People who say we can get along in a world of radicly different values.
51-Jack Chick memos.
52-Chris being right about me spelling intolerANT wrong.
53-People who play a game without knowing all the rules.
54-Those who make fun of people who consume energy drinks. WE WILL CONQUER YOU ALL ONE DAY!
55-When you read my journal and comment frequntly abut it's manny speling mistakes.
If you have any comments about anything listed, or would like to add something to the list feel free to.
Current mood:  angry Current music: Corpse Bride
Monday, October 16, 2006
So much has happened, and yet hardly anything can be brought to the front. And yet I type this happily. Grades are being maintained, the depth of friendships have been rediscovered or are in the process of being repaired. And the closest relationship that I have ever known is deepened with each meeting.
A few things are becoming familiar. Seeing her on friday nights is almost expected, as are the saturday nights that used to be taken up by games with Chris. Every friday me, my beloved, and a certain lovable squirrel can be seen in all areas between Tam O Shanter and Crossroads. If only we could drive.
A good example would be last friday. I had the day off from school, though I still met with Aaron at Crossroads. We spent the day there, I bought Sonya a gift, we left reluctantly at closing time. On the way home Dan happened to drive by, but he confused Aaron with Sonya, and after stopping to shout "get a room" he allowed the two of us into his car. Bad jokes were told but laughs were had by all. After dropping off Andrew and Brandon, the three of us went to the Bowl. A hallowed out area for skaters and druggies. We had a few fireworks and in the heat of the moment we decided to set the off.
When you launch fireworks in a hallowed-out area, one of two things will happen when they reach the sides. Either they explode on contact, go straight up, or rebound in the direction they started from. This meant they went straight back at us. Also when they went off it began to attract unwanted attention so we had to leave quickly. We went to a church to set off the remainder and launched all but one, since again we had to leave quickly. Perhaps the one we didn't get to is still there.
After being dropped off by a now paranoid Dan, me and Aaron walked to Sonya's. I dropped a few things off at her house and we set out to a forested area by our old school. A new bundle of fireworks was undone, though only one was set off this time. Of course this didn't stop it from somehow still heading straight towards us as we ran.
None of us was hungry but we weren't to keen to be around the fireworks area so we stopped at a different church right at the outskirts of the neighborhood. It used to have a random couch the three of us would use but we found out that someone hauled it away. Since we wanted to be warm we slipped into the church. Sometimes we have a lot of energy. Sometimes the opposite happens. This was one of those times and we were content to stay in the lower area of the church and some incense. When Aaron turned the lights out so that we could sleep I was pleasantly surprised to find her lips on mine in a matter of moments. However, Aaron was cold and the couch we were on had cushions that kept slipping off. When thinking back on it, the solution we decided on was a unique one. Aaron got his blanket, us.
And we got a soft yet stable ground to be with each other on.
He ended up falling asleep, and though I never touched her skin, I explored a place i'd never been to before. Though the results were a very mixed bag, I pray she'll let me again.
Saturday is usually just the two of us. We've been all over the neighborhood and have established particular areas to be in, but for the past few weeks we've stayed at her house. Talking, playing with her adorable cats, and finally together on the bed. While sleeping occasionally happens i'll set the record straight for those reading this. The only clothing removed are shoes, socks, and jackets.
She's grown tired of staying in her room, and this is where the familiar things end. The stereotypical guy would smack me, because rather then try to stay in her room and make out, I'm looking forward to being outside with her. Regardless of the location, be it her room, the church, the bench, or our school or really anywhere... i'm there with her. I'm excited at the prospect of seeing her. The conversation is always interesting, and the kisses are always memorable. My best friend was once in a relationship that had, for all purposes, grown stale. It got to the point where he barely registered that his fiancee was there. It's not the case with me... I do not merely enjoy my time with her.
I cherish her.
I love her.
I have a song that i'd like her to see, but it speaks of her loving me as well... in order to post it as a reality rather then a wish, I need to know the extent of her feelings. She told me once that she loved me, but then seemed to take it back and now the depth of what I am to her is shrouded. Perhaps she's to embarrassed to say it. Perhaps it was only said in the heat of the moment... so Sonya, please comment on this. If you can't say it, then type it. I need to know.
That single sentence, those three words, are the most important ones in the english language.
Current mood: good Current music: Gregory And The Hawk: Birds And Boats
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